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An examination of just how much of my sex life has been dis-connected, and why I put up with it. 
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Amongst people who are generally against sleep training babies, I've noticed a trend. There seems to be this idea floating around, that at some point in a baby’s development CIO stops being harmful. That point? When tantrums hit. Thus, you see people who are generally anti CIO saying things “like I’m against CIO, but how far does this stretch into your waking life?” and “if your toddler is having a tantrum because they can’t have something they want, do you let them CIO?” or “My 9/10/11 month old had suddenly developed a real temper and personality, and is always stroppy about things not going his own way. How do I teach him that he can’t always have his way in life, should I just ignore the tantrums?”  If Jesus were alive today, what would he be like, and perhaps more importantly would the average Christian even agree with him? I'm thinking probably not.  Whenever the fed is best₁ argument flares up; you know the one - as long as the baby gets fed that’s all that matters - somebody on the pro-breastfeeding side of things uses the analogy of feeding your older child nothing but McDonald's to point out the absurdity of fed, being best. This article is for those people.  If there was a way that you could raise your child that would almost guarantee that they were safe from exploitation and sexual abuse, would you be signing up right now? I doubt there are many parents out there who would answer no. And yet the vast majority of parents are Authoritarian, a parenting approach that I am about to argue puts kids at a far higher risk of being abused than they need to be. Peaceful Parenting (also known as Respectful Parenting) however can minimise the risk.  There are plenty of people who should be feeling guilty for breastfeeding failure. But the mothers who are doing the best they can with the information and access they have in a culture that is unsupportive and hostile??? Nope. That ladies is called gaslighting. And we women are so used to it, that we didn't even notice. We gaslight each other and ourselves. it's called the Mummy Wars  Are there such things as parenting rights? I don’t mean parental rights - aka a right to be involved in your child’s life. I mean a right to parent how you see fit, so long as it’s “not abusive” according to our current societal definition of abuse. If you ever stumbled across a anti-smacking, anti-sleep training or anti-circumcision article online then you’ve probably seen parents claiming that they have a right to parent the way that suits them. But is there actually such a thing?  The hardest thing about having a baby who needs human presence next to them in order to sleep, is coming to terms with the fact that you will never have that 2 hour chunk of time where you can just do housework or have a shower in peace. I found my mood really started to improve when I stopped focusing on the things I couldn’t do (laundry, dinner prep, cleaning floors) or what I was missing (alone time) and started focusing on the things I could do, and what I gained by co-napping. So here is a list of some of the great things you can do whilst co-napping, sorted into categories of Learning, Earning, Nurturing, Fun and Productive. (though many things will cross over depending on personal tastes.)  Next time your facebook feed brings up an article about a parenting practice that is different to yours, just try something. Instead of reacting, instead of becoming defensive, and dismissing it, just read it and let the information percolate. Just sit with it. And every time your brain tries to go on the defense, when you find yourself constructing a list of reasons why the information is wrong, ask why. Why is it so important to me that my way is correct? Why am I so against this? And sit on that. Really actually mull it over, over days and weeks.  This is how it goes: Mum's interested in BLW, but then she makes the mistake of telling someone. Her Paediatrician, Child Health Nurse, Mum, Day Care Centre or even Hubby, and she suddenly finds herself being told that it's a choking risk. Now we could link the science, or talk about why the NHS has adopted BLW as their recommended approach. But if you look at things logically, you don't even really need to. So Let's look at the "choking risks" logically  |
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