not knowing you have a choice is not the same as not having a choice.

At the time I thought I had no choice.  

I was wrong.

I had a choice, I just didn't know it existed. 

You have choices too, but you need to know they exist to be able to make them. 

Two words could have completely removed my perceived "need" to give my child formula, and allowed me to make a true choice about whether or not I wanted to use formula to ​feed him. 

2 words 

Donor. Milk.

I am really over seeing mums say "I had to give my child formula" 

Why

Because it's not really true.

But they don't know that. 

No baby has to be given formula.
*unless they truly do have an allergy to breast milk which is extraordinary rare and should be confirmed by an allergist* 

There are alternative options.

But if you don't know there are options then you can't make a choice. 

Formula has become our defualt. Its like Coles and Wollies. They squashed the competition for so long that people forgot that there are alternatives. The supermarkets put them out of business, and made them rare, so now we can easily claim "I have to shop there". We think we have no choice. 

No baby has to be given formula.

You may feel like you had to, you may not have known you had a choice, you may not have access to the other options, but the options do exist. 

So instead of saying "I had to give my baby formula" here is what we need to be saying: 
​

I gave my baby formula because at the time I did not know I had alternative options, or have access to alternative options.

I've been there, in that point where you feel like you have a choice. 

my son had tongue tie and high arch palette:  it took 5 months for us to get breastfeeding working properly. With an LC (my ex's aunt) on call for free home visits any time I wanted. 
I was on domperidone for about 8 months.
I would pump -with my double electric, hospital grade pump every chance I got and at the end of the day I was lucky to have 80mls 
He was mix fed with formula - in the early weeks 99% of his diet was formula
He was about 11 months before that percentage inverted. 


At the time I thought I had no choice.  


I was wrong.


I had a choice, I just didn't know it existed. 


You have choices too, but you need to know they exist to be able to make them. 


Two words could have completely removed my perceived "need" to give my child formula, and allowed me to make a true choice about whether or not I wanted to use formula to feed him. 


2 words 


Donor. Milk. 


2 child health departments, speech pathology, my regular GP and the other doctor I sometimes saw if she was booked out, an LC, and the Child Health nurses running the parenting info/meet up groups; and no one ever made any suggestion that there is an alternative to formula. 


There were no signs or pamphlets or Facebook ads. No articles in the (admittedly few) parenting magazines I read. Nothing in the (many) articles and books that I read in that year. 


Sure I knew that wet nursing used to be a thing. Back in history. But I had know knowledge or concept of a modern version. 


I remember sitting there at a CH meet up when my bub was a newborn. We were going around the group talking about how feeding and pumping were going.


To say it wasn't going well for me was an understatement 


It was essentially impossible for us to breastfeed outside the house - I had to hold my baby pushed in close to my breast with one hand and shape my breast with the other to have any chance of him being able to transfer the milk. I couldn't just feed in any chair. I had to have bub propped up at the right angle and height so that I could use my hands as needed. 


(It was a seriously happy day when I started using a milk bar pillow and only needed one hand! Freedom!!!)


I had constant RSI style cramps in my hands and elbows from the pressure of having to hold everything just so.
I ended up making a soft handcuff like device to keep my sons hands out of the way,  (he could escape from every swaddling technique) because whilst I knew he was just following his instinct to help himself to find the nipple by looking with his hands, it just made things soo much harder because he kept getting them in the way of his mouth, and I didn't come across the concept of laid-back baby-lead nursing until a good year and a half later 
My days were literally breastfeed, bottle feed, pump, repeat 
My son fell asleep mid feed constantly on both the breast and the bottle because he was so exhausted from trying to transfer the milk. 


It wasn't fun. 


whilst some of the other mums were on supplements or domperidone, none were having major challenges.


They were all there nursing comfortably, single handed in stackable chairs. Talking about how much milk the had stocked up, what kind of pump they had etc.


 The mum on one side of me pumped with a hand pump, once a day, and got 110-150mls. 


I sat there wishing I could just have half her milk supply. 


It never occurred to me or any of the 15 or so other mums there to ask if I could have her freezer stash. (that most likely went in the bin after 3 months since she wasn't going back t work until 9 months) 

And the CH nurse either didn't think to mention it or wasn't allowed to mention it. 


Eventually I stumbled across a mention of HM4HB, and found out about donor milk. 


Now I tell everyone about a service I have never used! Because if people don't know, they can't choose.


They have to default. 


And that is not fair. To them or their babies. 


You have choices.

And even if there is no milk bank in your area, even if you feel wary about peer-to-peer online sharing, you can ask your friends and family, your workmates and your partners workmates, the mum's in your mum's group/swimming class/library story time.

​chances are that someone you know has milk they won't need. 


Contact your local HM4HB facebook page or Eats on Feets facebook Page


read, learn, and then share the knowledge. So that a different mum has the oportunity to make a real choice, not a deafult choice.