June 2020. America is currently teetering on the edge. It’s not hyperbole to suggest that it could disintegrate into civil war. It’s day 9 of mass protests, and the national guard, FBI and riot police are all out in force. The race riots of the 60’s look like a warm up compared to protests across all 50 states, as well as many countries overseas. Here in Australia many of us are reckoning with our own wake up calls to the ongoing police brutality and persecution of Indigenous Australians.
The sheer scale of the outcry to George Floyd’s murder at the hands of police has sparked awareness of the need to speak up in many places, both likely and unlikely. Over at The Beyond Sleep Training Project, they’re one of many parenting pages sharing content related to anti-racism, white privilege, and the need to speak up. Predictably there’s been a few comments from people claiming that sharing such content isn’t relevant to the page. (Newsflash, what’s relevant to any page is what the page creators feel is relevant.) But here’s the thing, TBSTP isn’t just any parenting page; it’s an anti-sleep-training page. Why is that relevant? Because Sleep Training is a tool for racism.
(Cue outrage and denial)
Still with me? Here’s 4 ways Sleep Training is racist.
“Day Care is so good for the kids who can go! They become more independent, they become more imaginative in their play, they dance, and sing and do craft, and it improves their social and emotional development, plus school readiness. My 1.5 year old is doing one letter a week at daycare”
Are you a SAHM feeling the pressure to put your child in day care even though you don’t have to?
Here are 6 reasons why daycare is not what your kids need.
If there was a way that you could raise your child that would almost guarantee that they were safe from exploitation and sexual abuse, would you be signing up right now?
I doubt there are many parents out there who would answer no.
And yet the vast majority of parents are Authoritarian, a parenting approach that I am about to argue puts kids at a far higher risk of being abused than they need to be.
Peaceful Parenting (also known as Respectful Parenting) however can minimise the risk.
There are plenty of people who should be feeling guilty for breastfeeding failure.
But the mothers who are doing the best they can with the information and access they have in a culture that is unsupportive and hostile???
That ladies is called gaslighting.
And we women are so used to it, that we didn't even notice. We gaslight each other and ourselves.
it's called the Mummy Wars
The hardest thing about having a baby who needs human presence next to them in order to sleep, is coming to terms with the fact that you will never have that 2 hour chunk of time where you can just do housework or have a shower in peace.
I found my mood really started to improve when I stopped focusing on the things I couldn’t do (laundry, dinner prep, cleaning floors) or what I was missing (alone time) and started focusing on the things I could do, and what I gained by co-napping.
So here is a list of some of the great things you can do whilst co-napping, sorted into categories of Learning, Earning, Nurturing, Fun and Productive. (though many things will cross over depending on personal tastes.)
This is how it goes: Mum's interested in BLW, but then she makes the mistake of telling someone. Her Paediatrician, Child Health Nurse, Mum, Day Care Centre or even Hubby, and she suddenly finds herself being told that it's a choking risk.
Now we could link the science, or talk about why the NHS has adopted BLW as their recommended approach. But if you look at things logically, you don't even really need to.
So Let's look at the "choking risks" logically
Here’s the thing about PND, we don’t really know what does cause it. But we do know what the risk factors are, lack of sleep is indeed one of them, as are stress and feelings of failure - so why are we advising mothers with PND or mothers already at risk of PND to engage in practices that will most likely increase their stress levels and interfere with their sleep even more?
Yesterday I wrote about abuse existing on a continuum. I wrote that when we ignore covert abuse, give it a free pass, shove it under the rug and only recognise overt abuse we continue to create a society that has no healthy yardstick by which to measure. That when we insist that things on the “lower end” of the spectrum aren’t “actual” abuse, “actual” rape that we help to gloss over warning signs, and unhealthy behaviour. We normalise them. In some cases we even romanticize them. And as a result it makes the lines between discipline and abuse, anger and abuse, flattery and harassment, sex and rape; blurry.
We first have to recognise it.
We have to name it.
We have to actively teach our children to fight it, to see it.
Only we aren't doing that.
Do you know the history of what is now called “sleep training” or “Cry it out?”
Because I do, and I’m going to let you in on a secret that all those “baby sleep experts”, doctors and child health nurses don’t want you to know.
It has absolutely no scientific basis.
There is no need for sleep training, there’s no proof that it is needed and there never was, because it was literally just made up.
Hi I'm Nicole